4 posts tagged “wtf?”
I love this man so much, it's almost scary.
I could sum up my feelings on the whole situation, but I'd just be restating everything Keith did. He's a better orator than I am also.
So Saturday we're having a graduation party for me at the house. My friends are invited, family, friends of my parents, etc. It should be fun, lots of food, music, conversation, etc.
God forbid I have an actual opinion regarding my party, however.
Let's back up. When I was little, I decided that I prefer vanilla cake with vanilla icing over chocolate/chocolate. I swear my mother must think they switched the bassinets. For her, the only kind of cake is chocolate cake. I'll eat chocolate cake and it's ok, I just prefer vanilla. Chocolate is just too rich and heavy for me. Despite knowing this, every year for my birthday or any other type of celebration for me, my mother orders (or worse, makes) a chocolate cake with chocolate icing because "it's what everyone else likes."
(pause while this sinks in...)
I'm not exactly picky when it comes to food, but am I crazy in thinking that the cake that says "Happy ________ Tim" SHOULD BE THE KIND OF CAKE THAT I LIKE? I don't think so, but apparently my mother does. She thinks I'm being selfish when I deny her the kind of cake that she, I mean "everyone" likes. She'd be pissy too if I baked her a loaf of Banana bread or a Strawberry shortcake every year for her birthday, no? My patriotism has been called into question, apparently, by me prefering vanilla over chocolate. It's like this constitues treason to her.
So amazingly tonight she asked me what kind of cake I'd like for the graduation party and I responded with a comment like "It's not like it matters, you're just going to get chocolate anyway." Apparently this finally got to her. Suddenly I'm "unappreciative" and "taking all of their hard work" in getting the house ready "for granted." She stormed off in a huff muttering "Oh, this is going to be fun."
Don't you love it when mothers not only jump to conclusions but also start berating and giving the guilt trips? It's getting to the point where I don't even want a fucking party anymore. I don't feel like fighting with her anymore. This party was never about me, it was just another excuse for her to play entertainer.
[large sigh]
Another long, drawn out post where I talk about my feelings.
So I graduated *minor fanfare* and now instead of basking in my accomplishments it's kind of like "now what?" I've collided head-on with the real world and it's rough. Yay for the so-called "quarter-life crisis." Unfortunately there are no sports cars or blonde bimbos, those will have to wait until I'm 50ish, I suppose. People having a mid-life crisis actually get off pretty easy; by then you actually have the money and stability in your life that people in their 20s desperately want and need.
I first heard of this concept back in 2001 while I was listening to, of all things, a John Mayer song. I didn't quite understand it, but the music was pretty and he was cute so I just put the lyrical content aside. Boy what a difference 6 years makes. If you've never heard it, here's the song "Why Georgia."
About the outcome
Of a still, verdictless life
Am I living it right?
I rent a room and I fill the spaces
With wood in places, to make it feel like home
But all I feel's alone
It might be a quarter-life crisis
Or just a stirring in my soul
- feeling "not good enough" because one can't find a job that is at one's academic/intellectual level
- frustration with relationships, the working world, and finding a suitable job or career
- confusion of identity
- insecurity regarding the near future
- insecurity regarding present accomplishments
- re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships
- financially-rooted stress
- loneliness
- a sense that everyone is, somehow, doing better than you
#1 The Job Hunt
I go through 6 years of school, do countless hours reading, studying and writing and the only jobs I can find might as well be flipping burgers and asking customers if they want fries with that. Why exactly did I go to college? I don't get it.The only thing that sucks more is people who think they have suggestions that you haven't heard before. "Have you tried Monster.com?" seems to be a frequent suggestion. That along with, "You wrote a resume, right?" I'm spending so much time smiling that I think my face may start to crack. I better have a job by the time my graduation party comes along or else I may sprain some facial muscles.
#2 The lack of friends
It hurts not having them nearby so that I can visit or see them whenever I want. Hell, I even miss watching trash like Shear Genius with Cesco on Wednesday nights. Watching Top Chef alone at home won't be the same this summer.
#3 Moving back home
There are a lucky few who never have to experience this, and to them I say "EAT ME." This is quite possibly the worst part. My mother is making my brain hurt. Literally. Everyday for the past 2 weeks her constant nagging and prodding about finding a job is giving me a tension headache. Top this off with waking me up at 7 am and having me do all sorts of chores and I really can't wait to get the fuck out of here again. I'm seriously looking into jobs that would require me to relocate. Home has become a nice place to visit, but I sure as hell don't want to be living here anymore. Sadly the relocation plans might not work since regardless of the job I find, I probably won't be making enough money to move out until saving some for a few months.
Summer of 2007 will no doubt be one of the worst ever. I'm sure I'll have a lot to talk about, so stay tuned I suppose.
